po critta

So...this afternoon i took a necessary trip to the john to make brownies. as i turned to flush, i noticed a little ant flailing wildly about in the muck. what a sad way to go.

pancho's message

pancho the cat wants you all to congratulate him on his recent weight loss, and wants to tell his cousin ella that she has his support in her similar endeavors!

he still plans to take over the world.

Awesomest corny pickup lines! Got any to be added to the list?

Did you fart? Because you blew me away
You must be in a wrong place - the Miss Universe contest is over there.
Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world?
I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true
Are you a magnet cuz im attracted to you
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
I wish you were DSL so I could get high-speed access.
I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.
Baby your like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my
problems
"Why does it feel like the most beautiful girl in the world is in this
room?"
Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for
Christmas.
Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
I was blinded by your beauty so I'm going to need your name and number for insurance reasons.
I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
I know I dont have a chance, but I just wanted to hear an angel talk.
Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?
Hey I just realized this, but you look alot like my next girlfriend.
Are your legs tired, because you've been running through my mind all day long.
Are you lost? Because heaven's a long way from here.
POOF! (What are u doing?) I'm here, where are your other two wishes?
I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away.
Girl, you better have a license, cuz you are driving me crazy!
If you were the new burger at McDonalds you would be the Mcgorgeous!
Do you have the time? (she gives you the time) No, the time to write my number down .
Let's make like a fabric softener and snuggle.
Are you an interior decorator? When I saw you the room became beautiful.
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
Is that top felt? [No] Would you like it to be?
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
Is your last name Gillete cause your the best a man can get.
Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?
You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is in love with me.
I have never had a dream come true until the day that I met you.
You look life my first wife! (how many have you had?) none.
Do you have a sunburn, or are you always this hot?
I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Turn to the girl sitting next to you at the bar and say... "I'm not really this tall....I'm sitting on my wallet."
This is a test of the emergency pickup line service. Beeeeeeeeeep. If you had been any less beautiful, you would have just heard a bad pickup line.
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
I know I'm not a grocery item but I can tell when you're checking me out.
If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away.
Do you mind if I hang out here until its safe back where I farted.
Life without you would be like a broken pencil...pointless.
Your body is a wonderland and i want to be Alice.
I'm like chocolate pudding, I look like crap but im as sweet as can be.
Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
Are you an alien? because you just abducted my heart.
Did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
I hope there's a fireman around, cause you're smokin'!
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle.
You've been a bad girl/boy. Go to my room.
If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.
Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
Like the sheets on your bed I want cover you with love.
Do you have a Bandaid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche.
Are you an alien?, because you just abducted my heart.
What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
I can tell your future, it is you giving me your number.
Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
Giant polar bear (What?) It's an icebreaker. Hi, my name is....
Your so hot when i look at you I get a tan
I must be a snowflake, 'cuz I've fallen for you.
You look so sweet your givin me a toothache.
My love for you is like the universe...neverending!!
If looks could kill you would be a weapon of mass destruction.
You - "Did it hurt". The other person will naturally say "Did what hurt?", You - "When you fell from heaven."
Excuse me, can you empty your pockets? I believe you have stolen my heart.
Do you have a map? Because I just keep getting lost in your eyes!
You say "I bet you $20 I can kiss you without using my lips." She says, "Bet's on." You kiss her then say, "I lost."
You got something on your chest: my eyes
Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I'm here after.
I don't know if you're beautiful or not, I haven't gotten past your eyes yet.
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
Do you want to make millions? millions of babies!
The night is young, the moon is bright, and you are here with me tonight.
I wanna bag you like some groceries.
kiss me if I am wrong, but isn't your name (take a guess)...Janice????
Are you from Tennessee? Cause you're the only TEN I see

The piece below was written by Charles, the creator and editor of Me & Everybody Else. Check it out!




I went with my fiancee’ to Victoria’s Secret the other day, and they had an advertisement that read “Natural is the new sexy.”

But Natural is the only sexy that matters. Because truth is the only real beauty.

The word itself, “natural,” is friggin' marvelous. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and peacefully articulate the word. “Naa-tchu-ral,” it’s like a big silver slide. You climb the ladder on the first syllable and slowly speed back down on the rest. Now try the same thing with the words “false,” “fake,” “sham,” and “phony,” and tell me what childhood toys or playground objects come to mind.

I love natural women, especially natural Black women. Their hair, nails, eye lashes – everything about them. And I don’t have anything against a nice relaxer, or a gentle amount of foundation, but there is something powerful and regal about a natural Black woman. Her hair is the clearest example of this.

Women of other ethnicities, their hair falls by nature. It drops, and drapes, and hangs loosely. But a Black woman’s hair rises by nature. It blossoms against the current of life. At its best, it swirls and spins like the earth, or the sun – a supernova of sublimity and strength. And like any other heavenly body, a Black woman’s natural hair demands nothing less than orbit: total praise from every physical thing within her influence, all revolving around her omnipotence – instinctively, humbly, and altogether. Whether dynamically drifting, or stationary and rooted, every living thing that finds itself before a Black woman’s natural hair is designed to stare and wonder.

I’m not hating on a nice relaxer, some woven extensions or wigs, but there is some freedom, sunshine and spirituality in naps. In the waves and the curls. In the nature of our true selves. And to become confident in those things about ourselves that grow without our instruction, move without our control, and progress despite our individual will – to investigate, wrestle with, and master those things about us that just are us – is to reach the pinnacle of sexiness, because who wants to fall in love with a lie?

I want to be in relationship with people who share my courage to courageously be myself. Who have tried and tried again to be their own truths and maybe experienced some shame for it, but got back up and found a way to make their own way. Who still struggle with that truth everyday, but have found peace in the process. Who feel good about being them. Even if their version of them, isn’t what everyone else would like them to be.

11 things your nurse is thinking...but wont tell you

1) If you yell "HELP!" one. more. time. without a really, really, REALLY good reason for it, I am going to come down there, shut the door, and give you a good dose of pillow therapy.

2) Sure, go ahead and sign out AMA. It's your choice. Just a reminder, though: if you leave, your insurance won't pay for your stay. Better yet, you won't be my responsibility anymore.........and believe me, I won't miss you.

3) I don't give a rodent's rump that you're related to the hospital administrator! The AMI patient down the hall who just went into V-tach needs me more than you need another blanket.

4) Thank you for asking me to check out your grandchildrens' photos, but I have a strict policy of never touching patients' wallets, and frankly, I don't have the time to breathe, let alone stand here looking at pictures of people I don't even know.

5) Yanno, when MY doctor prescribes water pills, I take them no matter how much I hate having to pee every 20 minutes. That's why I'm not in here for CHF, and you are.

6) No, "Mamma" is NOT going to get better, and if I were in her shoes, I'd haunt you for the rest of your days for keeping me 'alive' on a ventilator with my wrists tied down so I don't yank on the tubes coming out of my every orifice. She's had two major strokes and an MI, she's full of osteoporosis, and she has an advanced directive saying she didn't want any heroic measures if she ever got into a situation like this. What part of 'Do Not Resuscitate' don't you understand?

7) Please don't come to the ER for a sore throat that you've had for two weeks, demand refills on your soda pop every five minutes, and then complain loudly to your companion about the "lousy service" you're getting.

8) Yes, I have seen something like that before. In fact, I've seen things you can't even imagine that are a whole lot worse.

9) It is NOT my job to: answer your phone/find you some napkins/take out your trash/send out for pizza/pick up after your visitors/run a message to your friend down the hall/go to the kitchen to fetch a tray for your brother/cater to your every whim. (I've done all these things and more for my patients; it's just not what I was educated and trained for, and you need to know that.)

10) I apologize for my cynicism, but experience has taught me that multiplying the number of drinks/pills/hits you admit to having taken by three or more tends to give me a more accurate picture of what's really going on with you.

11) I'm actually a very kind, compassionate, caring individual, but some folks make me wonder if God made man NOT in His own image, but so that skunks wouldn't think they've been given a dirty deal.

Have a nice day...........

Your Nurse

woes of a nurselet continue

hi friends!
guess what? i'm good on my fs time for the year! yay!!! my school schedule is very weird, so i'm having to plan the semester one month at a time, but right now i have september tentatively planned out. so anybody wanna pull some evenings... LET ME KNOW!!! i neeeeeed that. guess what? so far i'm not dead from nursing school! not as bad as i thought, but its only the second week. my tune might change come monday. i dont have clinical tomorrow! (yaaay!) but dont worry, i'll make up for it next week with back to back 12 hour shifts followed by a 4 hour lab. if ever you are cared for by a nurse, hug her.

"Always thank your nurse,
Sometimes the only one between you and a hearse."
-- Carrie Latet

ready to fulfill my ministry!

hi friends!!

we're back home from our special assembly day- it was AWESOME! So many people from our congregation had parts/gave experiences, and they were all so encouraging. also, two from our congregation got baptized- congrats to walt and will! so proud of yall! ok, so here are my goals:
1) do whatever it takes to stay in the full-time ministry
2) do better about using my bible in the ministry
3) "recommend myself as minister" of Jehovah in everything i do and go through
4) be more encouraging to my bros and siss!

keep checking on me guys, makes sure i stay on track! love yall!!